


Yami Kills Grandpa

by yugimoto



Series: Yami Kills Grandpa [1]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! - All Media Types, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Humor, M/M, Multi, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:00:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24637216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yugimoto/pseuds/yugimoto
Summary: Grandpa Moto has a Massage Envy appointment and needs Yugi to close the Game Shop. But Yami, the Egyptian Pharoah, is tired of Grandpa's antics. He decides to kill him, but will Yugi allow him?Inspired by Yu-Gi-Oh The Abridged Series.
Relationships: Jounouchi Katsuya | Joey Wheeler/Mutou Yuugi, Mazaki Anzu | Tea Gardner/Mutou Yuugi, Mutou Sugoroku | Solomon Moto & Mutou Yuugi, Mutou Yuugi & Yami Yuugi, Mutou Yuugi/Yami Yuugi
Series: Yami Kills Grandpa [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1842424
Comments: 10
Kudos: 17





	1. Grandpa goes to Massage Envy

It was another day for Yugi Moto. He dressed himself in his school uniform, combed through his spiky hair, and looked into his mirror. “Today is going to be a good day!” Yugi smiled to himself.

Until Yami’s spirit appeared in the reflection.

“I do not think so, Yugi,” Yami interrupted. “The future is unclear”.

“Oh, no!”

“Oh, no, indeed. You better not fuck up today, Yugi, or so help me”.

“Dammit, Yami! Just trust me, okay? You don’t have to control every fiber of my being.”

“Technically, I am—“

“YUUUUGGI!!!” none other than Grandpa Moto screamed. “You’re gonna be late for school! Téa is waiting!”

“Shut up, Grandpa! I’m coming!” Yugi raced downstairs, and spirit Yami rolled his eyes before disappearing. It was definitely not going to be a normal day for either of them.

* * *

“Yugi, you really need to stop making us late to school!” Téa whined. “We could’ve missed our test this morning!”

“Blame my stupid Grandpappi,” Yugi muttered. “When I’m not dueling, he makes me work in his Game Shop. He doesn’t even pay me!”

“Really?”

“Yes! He’d rather abuse the child labor laws than actually hire someone to work in his shop. Man, what would I do to be free of him!”

That’s it! Yami thought to himself.

* * *

Yugi was in the middle of class when his phone started ringing. “Hello?”

“YUUUUUUUGGGIII—“

“GRANDPA! You don’t have to scream, I can hear you just fine!”

“Yugi! I need you to close the Game Shop tonight. I have an appointment with Massage Envy at 8 PM and I cannot miss it!”

“Ugh, that’s tonight? Can you reschedule, Grandpa? I kinda have things to do tonight!”

“Yugi, I have been touch starved for many years. It has been a long time since a woman’s hands has caressed your Grandpa, ah, yes,” Grandpa nearly moaned. “I can almost feel it now—“

Yugi hung up. “Ugh!” he slammed his phone on the desk.

“What’s the matter, Yugi?” Joey asked in his piss poor Brooklyn accent.

“My stupid Grandpa,” Yugi complained. “He’s making me close the Game Shop tonight because he has a planned orgasm at Massage Envy tonight! What a prick!”

“What does it matter, Yugi?” Tristan tilted his head. “You have no plans tonight, anyway, you anti-social, spiritually possessed loser”.

“Damn, Tristan! Of course I do! I have—I have things to do tonight!”

“Like, what? Yourself?” Joey laughed obnoxiously, until Yugi punched him square in the stomach.

“No!” Yugi blushed furiously. “I thought we had plans tonight!” He turned towards Tristan.

“No can do, Yugi-poo. My parents’ divorce lawyer is requesting we discuss custody tonight”.

“...Oh, I’m—“ he bit out the word sheepishly, “sorry, Tristan. Are they arguing over who will have custody of you?”

“No, as a matter of fact, they’re arguing over who will not have custody of me. My parents hate me very, very much”.

“...Oh,” Yugi offered no empathy for Tristan’s predicament. “Joey?”

“I—“

“I lost interest as soon as you started speaking. Téa?”

“I have a breast augmentation consultation”.

Yugi sighed. “Fuck my life”.

* * *

Yugi arrived home after school, clearly depressed and angry. He tried calling the depression hotline on his walk home from school, complaining of his Grandpappi. The hotline volunteer laughed and then hung up.

He stormed inside the Game Shop, kicking the dusty broom in front of him, which then accidentally smashed into the window. Grandpa didn’t seem to notice.

_ Senile old bastard, _ Yugi thought to himself.

“Yugi, my boy!” Grandpa smiled, seemingly unaware that Yugi was so depressed. “When I leave for my appointment with Massage Envy, do not forget to under-report our cash income to the IRS. We cannot be discovered for tax fraud, can we?”

“No, Grandpa,” Yugi agreed, absentmindedly. “Grandpa, do I have to close the Game Shop?”

“Yes! Now quite whining, and get to work! In my day, we weren’t as quite lazy as your generation!”

“But you don’t even pay me, dammit!”

“No, but did I  _ ask _ for my soul to be trapped in the TV? Did I  _ ask _ for an Egyptian spirit to possess my grandson? Did I ask for your parents to abandon you, because they knew how much of a bother you would be?”

“What the fuck, Grandpa!”

“Go to work,  _ YUUUUGGGGGGIII _ ,” Grandpa began to waddle his fat, wrinkly body out of the Game Shop.

“Grandpa! It’s only 3 PM! Your appointment isn’t until 8!”

“I would rather sit in the waiting room of Massage Envy for 5 hours than listen to your bitching about closing my Game Shop,” Grandpa flicked his belly lint onto the floor. “Clean that up”. He then closed the door.

“Son of a bitch!” Yugi tore his Millenium Puzzle off in anger, and threw it, which then crashed through the window.

* * *

It was a little past 4 PM, an hour after Yugi argued with his incompetent, fat Grandpa. Yugi was truly becoming sick of working for him. He did feel bad about having his soul stuck in the TV, but technically, that was Pegasus’ fault, right?

Yami’s bitching certainly wasn’t helping either.

“I am an Egyptian spirit, a _ Pharaoh _ ! Alas, here I am, sweeping the dusty floors of your obese Grandfather’s shop. What am I, some commoner woman?” Yami, with a huff, threw the broom out of the window.

“Yami,” Yugi sighed. “You’re being sexist. Please don’t say that!”

“Oh–hoho,” Yami sneered. “I am being sexist? You, Yugi, are being a little bitch.”

“Yami!”

“Here we are, in your Grandfather’s Game Shop. Yugi, you are Duelist. You should not have to feel responsible for taking care of his pathetic shop. Do you want to know why I told you, earlier this morning, the future was unclear? Stupid Solomon Moto, that’s why! Do you not understand, Yugi?”

Yugi sighed. “I know, Yami, I hate my Grandpappi too. I’m hoping he just dies soon enough from the multitude of underlying health issues so I can sell his Game Shop and have it turn into a strip club or something”.

“Why wait till his death? We can stop being responsible for his failure Game Shop now!”

“What are you suggesting, Yami?”

“Take the cash out of the register. We’re going to Massage Envy.”

* * *

Meanwhile, Grandpa Moto was sitting patiently in the Massage Envy office. He was gently stroking his nipples, in deep thought. “Mmmm...” he moaned.

“Mr. Moto?” the receptionist called, awkwardly watching this old man caress his own nipples this entire time. “Your appointment isn’t until 8 PM. Are you okay with waiting here till then?”

“Huh?” Grandpa blinked. “Yes, I would do absolutely anything to get away from my selfish grandson”.

“...Um, okay...”

“You know, I never asked to raise Yugi myself. His parents abandoned them. I could have easily thrown him into some orphanage, better yet, an animal shelter—I am positive he and his friend, this dumb kid named Joey, are furries—anyway, now what was I saying....”

The receptionist sighed. This was going to be a long afternoon of a senile Grandpa rambling unless she intervened. “Mr. Moto, how would you like to have your massage now?”

“Oh, yes! That would work perfectly! I have had enough foreplay, time to get this geezer dirty!”

“Okay, Mr. Moto, right this way”. The receptionist led him into the massage room. “Take off your clothes, Mr. Moto, and lay on the massage bed. The therapist will be here shortly.”

“Oh, goodie!”

As soon as the receptionist closed the door (rather quickly), Grandpa Moto tore off his sweaty pants, and ripped off his shirt. He flopped onto the massage bed like a fat fish, moaning in anticipation as he tore off his tighty-whities.

The massage therapist knocked on the door. “Mr. Moto?”

“Yes, I am ready!” Grandpa smiled to himself, rubbing his nipples with a packet of warm orange marmalade he had stored in his back pocket, for emergencies. “Come in, baby. Grandpappi’s all yours!”

“Um...Mr. Moto, someone is actually in Massage Envy waiting to see you. He says it’s an emergency. Can your massage wait for a moment?”

“WHAT? Who in the hell is here to see me?”

“It’s...Yugi Moto, your grandson.”

“FUCK!” Grandpa slipped off his massage bed, like the sweaty fat mass he is, and waddled to the front door. With orange marmalade dripping down his nipples, Grandpa Moto threw open the door, bare naked. “DAMMIT, YUUUUUGGGIIII! WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

Yugi and Yami screamed in unison. “SOLOMON!” Yami screamed. “COVER UP YOUR PENIS, IMMEDIATELY!”

“NO! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?”

“I CHALLENGE YOU TO A D-D-DDDDUUUUEEELLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!”


	2. Yami sets the Game Shop on Fire

“A duel?” Grandpa paused, rubbing the inner folds of his sweaty stomach fat. Some stray candy wrappers and coins then fell from the folds of his stomach fat.

“Hey!” Yugi interjected. “Is that a Reese’s Cup wrapper from your stomach fat? That was _mine_ , Grandpa!”

“Quiet, Yugi!” Yami hissed. He swallowed his vomit as the fat Solomon bent over to retrieve his towel; truly, he thought, humans, especially Solomon, were disgusting beings. It was quite awhile to remove his memories of Yugi moaning Joey’s name in his sleep, alas, seeing naked Solomon alltogether was far more cruel.

“Yes, Solomon, a duel. If I win this duel, I— _Yugi_ will have sole ownership of your Game Shop”.

“ _WHAT?_ My love handles do not accept this duel!” Grandpa stormed out of the massage room.

“Wait, Grandpa!” Yugi cried.

“If _you_ win, Solomon, I will be your personal slave to the Game Shop.”

“No, Yami! I do not accept!”

“...Well, okay then,” Yami quietly slipped the cash from the Game Shop into his pocket.

“Wait a damn minute—If both of you idiots are _here,”_ Grandpa whipped his sweaty body around, spitting directly in Yugi’s face.

“Ugh, GRANDPA! You spit in my face again!”

Grandpa ignored him. “ _WHO_ is in the Game Shop?”

* * *

Yami, Yugi and sweaty Solomon raced towards the Game Shop. His towel, barely covering his penis, flapped in the wind.

“ _YUUUUUUGIIIII!!!!!!!!_ ”

“SHUT UP, GRANDPA!”

“If my Game Shop is robbed, oh so help me, I’m sending you straight to the orphanage! And that dumb Egyptian spirit, Yami, too!”

“ADDRESS ME AS PHARAOH AT ONCE”

“NO” Grandpa collapsed at the Game Shop, his sweat streaming down his body, even though the Game Shop is only around the block from Massage Envy and the male strip club Yugi swears to Grandpa he has never attended. (Yami begs to differ).

“Open the door, Yami, now!”

“Address me as—“

“ _SHUT THE FUCK AND OPEN THE DOOR!”_

Yami kicked down the door to the Game Shop. The lights were off.

Yami grabbed Grandpa’s collar, and hauled his fat ass up. “Yugi,” he commanded. “Stand behind me. I have to protect you”.

“No! I’m not your little bitch!”

“Fine.” Yami knocked Yugi to the ground, who yelped, before entering the Game Shop. He switched on the lights. Everyone screamed.

“ _YUUUUUUGGGGGIIIIIIII!”_

_“WHAT, DAMMIT!”_

_“WHAT IS JOEY DOING HERE?”_

* * *

Joey was in fact, here, clad in his dog fursuit. “Yugi!” he exclaimed. “You’re finally here!”

“Joey? Have you been here this whole time?”

“Yes, waiting for you! I thought we were going to hang out—“

“No one cares, Furry Boy!” Grandpa Moto kicked the furry fetishist in the stomach.

Joey cried out, “Yugi’s Grandpa, please, your slimy sweat is dripping onto my body!”

Grandpa ignored him. “This was the plan, wasn’t it?” Grandpa turned towards Yugi and Yami, his sweaty face becoming red with anger. “You were going to distract me at Massage Envy with a duel, while Joey robbed my Game Shop, huh?” he poked Yami’s chest with his sweaty, chubby fingers. “Answer me!”

“No, Solomon,” the Pharaoh sighed. “I actually have your money from the register in my pocket, which Yugi gladly gave to me as a sign of gratitude”.

“ _Damn,_ Yami! Way to throw me under the bus! Grandpa, I swear, that’s not true! Yami stole it for himself!” Yugi glared at the spirit.

“Now, Yugi,” Yami tsked. “It would be best to stop lying to your obese Grandfather. As you know, I work part-time with the IRS.”.

“ _FUCK YOU!”_ Yugi lunged towards Yami, punching him square in the face. They rolled around the floor of the Game Shop, kicking and screaming at each other.

Joey, the Furry Boy, meanwhile barked and growled at Yami and tried to pull him away from Yugi.

“Heel, Furry Boy, heel!” Grandpa commanded. Joey whined.

“That is _ENOUGH,_ dammit!” Grandpa Moto jumped onto Yami with his fat, sweaty body.

Yami choked, gasping for air. Grandpa Moto was suffocating him with his fat belly. “ _Solomon_ ,” he croaked.

Yugi, meanwhile, crawled away from the two, and gently dusted off the dirt from his clothes. “Stupid Grandpappi, you can release Yami now!”

“My—name—is— _Pharaoh—“_ he gasped. “Bitch”.

Grandpa rolled over to the side like the fat beached whale he is, releasing Yami from the grip of his sweaty stomach.

Yami gasped, “Spirits, you smell _atrocious!_ ” he glared at Grandpa.

“Yugi, clean this shit up”. Grandpa hocked and spit a huge loogie at Joey’s face, who then screamed in disgust. “Get this Furry Boy out of here!”

“Dammit, Grandpappi! For once and for all, I’m not cleaning your stupid Game Shop!”

“THEN GET OUT OF MY SIGHT” Grandpa roared, charging towards Yugi and Yami with his fat belly.

They screamed in unision again, and then ran out of the Game Shop, dragging Joey outside with him.

“We have to get out of here!” Yugi cried. “I can come back at midnight or so once Grandpa passes out from drinking again”.

“There will be no need,” Yami smiled deviously. “Yugi, you will be spending the night at Joey’s house for a reason”.

“ _Hell naw_ , I’m not sleeping with the furry!”

Joey frowned.

“Oh, yes you will, you closeted homosexual human—“

“ _YAMI!”_

_“_ Because...” Yami retrieved a firecracker from his pocket.

“Hey? Where did that come from?” Joey questioned.

Yami ignored his presence, as all do. “No matter. This is a little treat for Solomon....” He then threw the firecracker into the window of the Game Shop, which then exploded.

“YOU SET THE GAME SHOP ON FIRE!” Yugi screamed.

“Yes!” Yami laughed. “There is no way the fat Solomon could have survived! We are free, Yugi, we are _free_ from that obese pig!”

“Damn, but I didn’t want you to kill him!” Yugi cried. “I hate Grandpappi, Yami, but I didn’t want him _dead!_ Where am I going to live? You set my _house_ on fire!”

“Ah, silly, pathetic, homosexual, pre-pubescent—“ Yami tsked.

“Get to the fucking point, Yami!”

“–human and his Furry Friend,” Yami laughed. “You can live wherever, now that your obese Grandfather is no more!”

“ _YUUUUUUUGIIIIIIIIIIIIII!”_ Grandpa screamed from inside of the burning Game Shop. “ _WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?”_

“I have to save him!” Yugi ran back towards the Game Shop. “I have to save that fat, sweaty fuck!”

“No, Yugi! Do not even think of doing so!” Yami commanded.

“Yeah, Yuge,” Joey commented. “Your Grandpa was pretty—“

“Shut up, Joey! I have to do this!”

“Not unless,” another voice interjected. Yami, Yugi, and Joey gasped.

Suddenly, Pegasus appeared, with his flowing silver hair. “I was “making it rain”, as your hip Generation says, at the male strip club when I saw your pathetic Grandfather’s Game Shop ablaze. I knew this had to be the works of Yami! How about we make saving your obese Granfather a little more interesting, huh, _Yuuuugi-_ boy?” Pegasus laughed.

Yugi sighed. “Fuck Duel Monsters”.


	3. Yami and Pegasus duel at the Male Strip Club

"I would like to duel," Pegasus proposed. "At the male strip club, of course. I believe some entertainment would be worthwhile admist your pathetic attempt to defeat me".

"Oh, yeah? Well, what's in it for me, if I win?" Yugi glared at Pegasus.

"Once your pathetic Grandfather's Game Shop burns to a crisp, I will completely renovate and refurnish it, at my expense. You will no longer be homeless."

"Hm," Yugi pondered. Should he accept the duel? Or was Pegasus purposely challenging him in order to distract him from the burning Game Shop? Would it matter if his Grandpa had already died?

"We do not have time for your pathetic games, Pegasus!" Yami interrupted, pushing Yugi out of his way. "I _want_ the Game Shop to be burned to a crisp. Yugi's opinion does not matter, nor the emotional trauma he will experience once he realizes he is solely responsible for his obese Grandfather".

"Hey! Yami—"

Pegasus laughed. "So, what shall it be, _Yuugi-boy?_ Will you listen to the Pharaoh, or listen to _me?"_

"Do not even think of accepting this duel, Yugi!" Yami hissed, revealing his forked tongue. He truly was the snake of Yugi's existence. " _I_ am the one who truly plays these games, anyhow. You are as lazy and incompetent as your Grandfather! I refuse—"

Yugi ignored the Pharaoh's rambling of how incompetent he was. "Pegasus!" he declared. "I accept your duel! Get to work, Pharaoh!"

"You little _bitch!_ " Yami gasped.

"Yeah, Yuge!" Joey cheered. He was silently listening to the conversation the entirety of this time.

"To the male strip club!" Pegasus declared.

* * *

"Yuge," Joey whispered nervously. He was still wearing his fursuit costume. "Are we allowed to be in this strip club? We're underage!"

"Shut up, Joey! We'll be fine, I use stupid Grandpa's credit card all the time, the strippers gladly accept it".

"Wait, you go here?—"

Yugi blushed, sputtering, "W-What I meant to say was, _Yami—"_

"Oh, no, you are _not_ involving myself in your homoerotic activites!"

" _Ugh!_ That's enough!" Pegasus interrupted. "Good Lord, you whiny little _girls_ makes me contemplate even dueling the Pharaoh," he flipped his long hair into Joey's face.

"Ew! Your hair is in my mouth! Yuge, get it out!"

"I am _NOT_ a girl!" Yugi stomped his foot.

"Oh, is that so? Tell me, _Yuuugi-boy,_ why are you wearing those Princess Elsa light-up shoes?"

Yami snorted.

"These—These are the only shoes that fit my small feet!" Yugi whined. "My stupid Grandpappi bought them on sale from Payless. Is this going to be a duel or is everyone just deciding to bully me today!"

"Ah, yes, the duel, I almost forgot," Pegasus grabbed onto the stripper pole and began to twirl. "Let us begin!"

" _Ugh,_ I am going to vomit," Yami commented. He did, in fact, then vomit all over Joey's fursuit.

"Hey! This cost $1000!"

"Careful, Pharaoh! There is an obese Grandfather at stake!"

* * *

The duel began, in the middle of the strip club. As Yami was dueling against Pegasus for dear life to save the pathetic Solomon, Yugi quietly slipped away from the group and requested a lap dance.

" _Enough!_ I am tired of this! Kurbioh, sacrifice yourself so that I can win this duel and this will not continue for another 3 - 4, 22 minute length episodes!"

" _WEEEEE!"_ Kurbioh screamed, as Yami chucked the brown Club Penguin Puffle directly into Pegasus' face. Pegasus screamed for dear mercy, and, once he grabbed onto Kurbioh, threw him directly through the window. Kurbioh screamed as glass pierced through his fat Puffle fur and he promptly rolled away from the male strip club.

"Pegasus, this duel is over!" Yami commanded.

"You think sacrificing your puffle would stop _me,_ the almighty Pegasus? Think again, Pharaoh! Think—" Pegasus then screamed as one of the male strippers kicked him in the face.

"Who— _Tristan?_ " the Pharaoh gasped.

The male stripper was, indeed, Tristan. He was dressed in next to nothing, and that was when Yami decided he needed to bring barf bags whenever he was around little Yugi's pathetic, odd friends.

"Yes, it is I! Here to save the day! Joey, why are you in a fursuit?"

Joey blushed. "I was going to roleplay with Yami tonight but his stupid Grandpappi interfered again!"

"Oh! Is that why the Game Shop is on fire? Yugi's Grandpa will never forgive him!"

Yami rubbed his forehead in frustration as Joey and Tristan continued to talk. "Enough, you are both disappointments to your parents, as is Yugi!" He paused. Yugi was nowhere in sight to whine and bitch about Yami insulting him (again).

"Where in the hell is Yugi, speaking of? We have to go back to the Game Shop!"

"I'm here!" Yugi ran, breathlessly. He tripped over Pegasus' body, who collapsed onto the ground once stripper Tristan kicked him in the face.

Yami catched him, gracefully, before then throwing him onto the ground like a ragdoll. "Where were you? If it was not for Tristan, Pegasus would have kept dueling me!"

"I was—uh...Hey, Tristan, you're a stripper?"

"I have to make money to support myself through school, somehow, Yugi!"

"But it's a public school?"

"Let me live, dammit!"

* * *

The four raced back towards the burning Game Shop, which was now little to nothing.

"We've failed..." Yugi whispered. "My stupid Grandpappi, there's no way he lived..." his lip trembled.

"Aw, Yuge, are you crying?" Joey frowned.

"No, dammit!"

"Nonetheless, Pegasus will still finance a very new Game Shop for us, Yugi," Yami smiled, triumphantly.

"But, Grandpappi—"

"Enough talk of your obese Grandfather!"

"You know what? I am _tired_ of you, Yami? and your stupid fucking Puzzle—"

"Spirits, if you were in Egypt, I would have you sacrified to the gods as quick as day, you annoying little _shit!_ "

"Yugi," Joey cried, "I wish you gave me more love and attention—"

"Everyone _SHUT UP!"_ Tristan screamed. "Listen, Yuge, closely. Do you hear that?"

Yugi paused in his search for his pocket knife to stab Yami with and listened closely, likewise, Yami paused in his search for his BB gun. No—it couldn't be!

" _YUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII"_

"Well, fuck me sideways, I guess," Yami muttered, who was now clearly disappointed that Grandpappi was, in fact, alive.

"GRANDPAPPI!" Yugi screamed, abandoning his friends as per usual with the manic Egyptian spirit, who was eyeing them with his BB gun, and racing towards his fat, sweaty Grandpa.

" _YUUUUGIII!_ " Solomon crushed into Yugi with a hug, he literally almost crushed him with his fat sweaty belly.

"Grandpa! How are you alive!"

"My fat and sweat shielded me from the fire. I was invincible in the flames".

"...Well, that makes no sense, but okay! I'm sorry, Grandpappi. I should've never let Yami burn down your Game Shop and steal your money, as well as steal your credit card and order prostitutes, and—"

"I... _understand,_ Yugi". Solomon turned towards the Pharaoh, who was awkwardly shoving his BB gun into his jacket.

Grandpa Moto looked at the sight before him. There was Joey, the Furry Boy, clad in his fursuit with vomit all over it, Tristan, shirtless and in a thong, and Yugi, who was awkwardly re-adjusting his pants for...reasons Grandpappi didn't want to know.

"Yugi," Grandpa frowned. "Were you at the strip club again?"

"Only because Yami dragged me there to duel with stupid Pegasus! And—"

"That's it! Why should I kill Grandpa, when I should be killing _you!_ " Yami roared.

"Not if I kill you first!"

"Try me, bitch!"

" _Enough!_ There will be no killing today," Grandpa sighed. He looked at Yugi. "Yugi," he sighed, "Look at yourself. Why, when you were a baby, you used to teethe my nipples because I couldn't produce milk and—"

" _GRANDPA!"_ he cried. "Where the fuck are you going with this?"

"—My point is, you're no longer the innocent little Yugi you used to be. I have to respect that".

"Wow," Yugi was slightly surprised. "Um...thanks, Grandpa".

"Which means," Grandpa waddled over towards the Game Shop deviously, "You need more responsibilities in life. Responsibility number one..." and then suddenly pointed towards the Game Shop, which was now nothing but ash.

"Clean this Game Shop, bitch. I'm off to Massage Envy!" With that, he threw a broom at Yami's face, and ran off.

~end?~


	4. Epilogue

Pegasus did agree to refinance the new Game Shop, (even though Yami completely cheated by throwing Kurbioh at his face and then having stripper Tristan kick him in the face). He commented it would "bring him sheer joy" to visit the Game Shop once it reopens and be an antagonizing customer to Yugi.

Meanwhile, as for the sweaty Solomon, he was off at yet another Massage Envy appointment. He mentioned something about how he was sweating with anticipation for the massage therapist to rub essential oils onto his thighs. Yugi did not want to visualize it. Speaking for Yugi, he, his odd friends, and Yami, were currently sweeping the ashes of what was once the Game Shop.

"This is absolutely _absurd!_ " Yami exclaimed, angrily sweeping the ash directly into Tristan's face.

Tristan sputtered, "Hey, _Phawoa,_ watch where you sweep your broom, dammit!" he furiously rubbed the ash from his face.

"It's pronounced _Pharaoh—_ oh, forget it!" Yami threw his broom into the ash of what was the Game Shop in a dramatic fashion. "Spirits, what is this accomplishing? We are just sweeping the ashes of your pathetic Grandfather's shop into a pile!"

"Yami, I—"

"Enough of this, Yugi!" Yami, who was clearly frustrated, swiftly punched Tristan in the stomach. It helped him release his anger in a theraputic manner. "Gods, if only I knew as to what would come of me by agreeing to have my own physical body..." he glanced towards Yugi. "Sometimes, I _do_ regret no longer sharing a body with you. Now, your pathetic Grandfather sees me as an extra pair of helping hands!"

"Wait, what?" Tristan asked, who was currently hunched over in absolute pain. "When did this happen, _Phawoa?_ "

Yami ignored him completely.

Joey pouted, scratching the dog ear of his fursuit. "Yuge," he asked quietly. "Can we roleplay after we're done sweeping your pathetic Grandfather's Game Shop's ahes?"

"Joey, I don't want to play your Furry Games—"

"I was talking to _Other_ Yuge!" Joey glared.

Yami raised an eyebrow. "You would like me, the _Pharaoh_ , to play your...what is it called, Furry Games?" He paused. Perhaps he should stop harassing Yugi's odd friends and learn to be a touch...kinder to them.

"I would gladly partake in this...furry activity of yours".

"Yami! How could you?" Yugi's eyes widened. "You refuse to play _Monopoly_ with me, but you'll willingly run off and play Furry with Joey? Screw you!"

"Oh, Yugi, please. Whenever I have you jailed in the Monopoly prison, you whine like the little bitch you are," Yami commented. "Now, Joey, I believe it is time we leave".

"You haven't even finished sweeping!"

"Gladly," Joey smiled, ignoring Yugi. "Hey, Tristan, want to join us?"

"Oh, no, dammit!" Yugi interrupted. "Not a chance in hell is _everyone_ going to leave me alone to sweep this damn Game Shop!"

"Bye, Yuge-poo!"

" _HEY!_ Tristan, come back here!" Yugi threw his own broom into the ashes, abandoning the Game Shop, running towards his friends, and damn Yami.

"Yami!" he gasped, breathlessly.

"By the Gods, Yugi, you should for once consider exercising and not playing silly card games".

"I have short legs, dammit Yami! I can't run that well!" Yugi whined. "Guys, don't leave the Game Shop without me. I'll...I'll even play your silly Furry Game," he glanced towards Joey and blushed.

"Oh, hurray! Let's go, everyone! Remember, if you see my alcoholic step-father awake, use the fire escape!" Joey cheered, embracing Yugi, Tristan, and the ancient Spirit, into his fursuit, which had a faint vomit-stench.

"Wait..." Yugi frowned. "Yami, before we roleplay, I want you to return to inside of the Puzzle. I want us to share control of my body again".

"What?"

"I think I have made you suffer enough, afrer, uh...today's events. I thought, if you had your own physical body, you would enjoy your freedom more, but I think, instead, you went absolutely manic. When did you even have the time to purchase a BB gun?"

"Hmm..." Yami pondered, completely ignoring his question. "I did enjoy using your fat Grandfather's credit card to purchase prostitutes—quite frankly, their prices are much higher compared to ancient Egypt...Nevertheless, I completely understand, Yugi. I cannot stand cleaning that damn Game Shop".

He then placed his hand onto Yugi's shoulder, who blushed.

"Quit your blushing," Yami added. "I am doing you a favor".

"Erm, sorry..."

They then held hands, and without any explanation whatsoever, Yami vanished inside of the Millennium Puzzle.

"Aww," Joey whined. "I wanted to roleplay with him! Dammit, Yuge, you selfish whore! Bring him back!"

"Don't worry, Joey," Yugi smiled. He tapped on his Puzzle. "He'll always be here".

For a moment, all was well.

Until a familiar voice started screaming again.

" _YUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"_

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Yugi sighed. "What the hell is the matter now, Grandpa?"

Solomon raced towards, still sweaty, and still nearly naked, with only a towel protecting his groin. _"WHY THE HELL IS MY CREDIT CARD MAXXED OUT?"_

Yugi could hear Yami laughing to himself through their link.

Yugi sighed. "Fuck my life".

~the end!


End file.
